Yesterday at 3:59 pm, I heard my phone ring but I was busy with you. I figured if it was important, they would leave a message. Of course I heard the tone for my voicemail go off. After I was finished doing what I was doing, I listened to the voicemail. It was the pediatric dentist that would possibly laser your tongue and lip tie. I called right back and they were closed. Of course. I will have to call on Monday to schedule an appointment with them.
Last night we had Christine and Steve over. They picked up dinner from Tarentella's and we ate and hung out. Christine got to hold you for a little bit. The neighbors stopped by as well. It was a late night for me. I was tired at 9, but managed to stay awake a little while longer. I slept until my alarm went off at 8:30 this morning, which never happens.
This morning I got up to get you your Prilosec and then sat in bed reading because apparently we were all tired from a late night and you and daddy were still sleeping. At 9 I had to wake you up to change you and to feed you, and I let daddy sleep in. I got a text from Cait that they were going to leave their house at 10, so I went upstairs to let daddy know so he could get up with enough time to get ready.
Around 10:30, Cait, Chas, Cooper and Callen came over. Callen had a great time since we now have some baby stuff in the house. Cooper was so excited to meet you. We have a few good pictures of you two. Cooper has the biggest smile on his face as he was sitting next to you in your bouncer. You also smiled at Cait which is great! You are starting to smile even more! We had a good time visiting with friends. We will be able to do that more soon.
Daddy asked what we were going to do for lunch. He said that he wanted to take you out to lunch. Now anyone that knows me knows how neurotic I am about you and that I do not want you to go out in public because I don't want you to get sick and end up back in the hospital. I know you do not have any immune issues (besides your chronic lung disease from being a preemie), but it still makes me nervous since I sat in the NICU with you for 111 days. That is not something I would like to go though ever again. Anyway, I agreed. Yup, you read that right. I told daddy we could take you out to lunch. In public. Our first family outing. We went to Otts and had some lunch. You were the perfect little baby. You didn't cry or fuss or anything. We had a successful first outing.
I bought a book last week when I went to Barnes n Noble that I have been reading while pumping. It is Emily Maynard Johnsons book I said Yes. Some of you may know her story, some of you may not. Her fiancé was a Nascar driver and he had passed away in a plane crash and she later found out she was pregnant. One of the things she said in her book was that she would do anything to keep her baby safe. That got me thinking. I have no idea why I started thinking about this, but I did. I started questioning what would of happened if I went to the hospital earlier than I did. I felt the "contractions" that I didn't know were contractions of course at that time, but if I went to the hospital when I started feeling them, would things be different? Would they have put me on bed rest and given me medicine to keep you in? (They did say that I wouldn't be leaving the hospital when I went in that night until I had you, but we all know I wasn't able to keep you in long.) If I would have known that they were contractions, could I have kept you safe? I know they said there was nothing I could have done and it was NOT my fault (they made it very clear in the hospital to let me know that it was NOT my fault), but what if I went to the hospital earlier? I now feel like maybe there was more I could have done that day to keep you safe. I have no idea where these feelings came from. I told daddy about them and he said he was going to make me stop reading! We all know that will never happen.
Anyway, there is nothing I can do at this point. I can't go back in time, but I also can't help but to wonder. I am just glad that you are here and I hope and pray that there are no long term disabilities that you will have from this. The hydrocephalus is under control (and I hope and pray that it continues to work properly) and we are going to be working with PT and OT on your development. I just want the best for you. We love you with all our hearts. You make us SO incredibly happy. And no matter what happens in the future, nothing will ever change that.